It's been forever and so much has occurred.
In my last blog I battled with the idea of going off my medication and take the chances of falling into a Manic rather than a Mixed or Depressive state. Well, I did end up doing this but not intentionally. I ran out of medication and due to the lack of insurance it took forever for me to find a way to get a refill without breaking the bank. I'm 25 years old and not from a well off family so I'm certainly not well off at this point in my life.
These few weeks off my medication were some of the worst times of my life. Prior to medication and therapy I knew I was different but I didn't realize how much of an impact medication can make on the severity of my illness. I nearly lost my job three times and injured someone out of rage making them bleed. It was the first time in my life I had ever lost control so severely that I had hurt someone. I don't like conflict, which I confessed in therapy, for one reason...I fear what I will do in the heat of the moment. These few weeks I experienced off my medication proved that I am not okay without help. If I need the assistance of medication and therapy to control my moods and some of my responses to those moods then I now welcome it.
I was truly scared that my life would spiral so out of control that I would end up unemployed and alone. I completely understand my unmediated bipolar father and his rambles. He said what I now feel unmediated. That was the most unpleasant experience ever! Don't ever do this!
This evening I watched a commercial about the stigma that surrounds those of us with mental illness. This is the same stigma I mock in the title of this blog with the words "BiPolar Freak". Check it out: bringchangetomind.org
Lets change the way everyone looks at mental illnesses so that those who truly need help seek it before it becomes life threatening! No one should look for it for the first time when they are suicidal as it did due to the fear of a stigma!