Saturday, June 19, 2010


Although I understand fully that I shouldn't go off my meds, even for a day, I truly considered doing this today. Currently I'm moving. The move date is set for next Saturday. I have four rooms to paint using primer and two coats of paint and tons of packing and cleaning to finish. These tasks seem far too much for me at present.

When I wasn't on my current mood stabilizer I would have extreme ups and downs. In my manic states or extreme ups I would experience very little exhaustion and have a way too much energy for a normal human. It was in one of these states that I painted the four rooms of my rental in the first place. I did this in a few days with no problems. One of the side effects of my medication is fatigue. On my way home from work I always fall asleep. My husband is driving me as when I tried to drive the hour and half home I would have to stop several times and sometimes take naps in my car at rest stops. Most recently this has been the most difficult portion of my illness to deal with.

My life used to run in spurts. I would run on an extremely accelerated pace and then when my lows came I would crash and the rest of the world could disappear as I did not care. Simply put I would be wrapped up in my bed hidden beneath the sheets. Granted with my meds I still have my ups, downs, mixed states and sometimes my "normal person" pace yet none of them are as extreme and they are manageable if I listen to the advice of my therapists and psychologists.

I'm sure I'm not the only one with bipolar who sometimes wishes not to be sedated. Although if I chose not to take my meds I'm intelligent enough to realize the crap I do when not medicated would not be all positive. Yes, I would have the energy to get done what needs to be done, yet I would do things later I would regret.

In the past few years during manic states I have done many things I regret. Listed below are a few:
          -Spent money as though my husband and I had all the money in the world, resulting in two lawsuits filed against me. Currently we are paying off thousands due to these suits.
          -Speed so much while driving because I felt as though I was invincible and nothing could ever touch me which caused the authorities to revoke my license
          -The last thing I want to share which I have already eluded to...painted four rooms of my rental although I knew I would have to paint it back someday because I didn't like the eggshell white and refused to live in a place so bland

Maybe it's not such a good idea to even consider the possibility of going off my meds even for the week leading up to our move. That may be a very bad move on my part. Oh well, one can always take things into consideration.

1 comment:

  1. I am so very proud of you for owning the reasons of your 'regretted manic actions'. I wasn't sure if you had or not.

    Sara R


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